Wednesday, December 2, 2009
deep lj thoughts
loads of things have been flowing through my mind like a busy district lately. its not as if i can control my thoughts. to stop feeling that way. to stop thinking about it. i myself don't even understand what i'm going through. who will?
i cant concentrate on work when my imagination runs wild. strings of memories dangles late at night when i can't sleep. felt so miserable but no one understands. people think i'm crazy and that i'm thinking too much. but what is it that i'm so afraid of? losing him? or losing to someone else? why do i feel so threatened anyway? i guess from the very beginning, i knew, she would make a come back. some things are just inevitable, at least, i thought it will remain a "first, one and only, last" mistake. i was wrong. she kept coming and he kept receiving. forgave him so many times that i had lost my sense of rationality and made myself crazy.
tolerate everything. and sometimes when he doesn't show as much attention as usual, the saga continues. everyday. when i have nothing to do, or when im feeling down, i'll go through the same cycle of horrific flash backs and slow mental tortures or some times, cry myself to bed. even when i let him know how bad i feel. he doesn't reassure me. but i guess even if he does, it'll only work a 50%. cause its not the first promise that he broke. what can i do to make myself stop thinking of this tiring shit? i really hate it.
someone ever said before. if the problem lies in one's habit, its worth waiting for a change. but if it lies on one's character, don't bother, and don't be hopeful. for leopards cant change their spots. how true is it?
i cant concentrate on work when my imagination runs wild. strings of memories dangles late at night when i can't sleep. felt so miserable but no one understands. people think i'm crazy and that i'm thinking too much. but what is it that i'm so afraid of? losing him? or losing to someone else? why do i feel so threatened anyway? i guess from the very beginning, i knew, she would make a come back. some things are just inevitable, at least, i thought it will remain a "first, one and only, last" mistake. i was wrong. she kept coming and he kept receiving. forgave him so many times that i had lost my sense of rationality and made myself crazy.
tolerate everything. and sometimes when he doesn't show as much attention as usual, the saga continues. everyday. when i have nothing to do, or when im feeling down, i'll go through the same cycle of horrific flash backs and slow mental tortures or some times, cry myself to bed. even when i let him know how bad i feel. he doesn't reassure me. but i guess even if he does, it'll only work a 50%. cause its not the first promise that he broke. what can i do to make myself stop thinking of this tiring shit? i really hate it.
someone ever said before. if the problem lies in one's habit, its worth waiting for a change. but if it lies on one's character, don't bother, and don't be hopeful. for leopards cant change their spots. how true is it?
when i smile at 5:03 PM
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009
why? i don't know what else to say.
when i smile at 9:08 PM
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Friday, November 13, 2009
our new pong!!! princess~
heh. they made great friends within seconds ok!! but poor princess was badly bullied by pong pong for the first two days. aww..anyway, here's some pic of today at my workplace. a samoyed! first time grooming a large breed. but he's a pretty good boy. and he's cute! :) was neglected by his first owner though. some couple broke up and decided to give up the dog.
picture of a polar bear and me taken by wendy. :)
when i smile at 10:28 PM
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Sunday, November 8, 2009
you have exactly 35mins to change my mind.
when i smile at 4:25 PM
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Saturday, November 7, 2009
i feel...sad.
have been thinking a lot lately.
is it just me? or am i right?
have been thinking a lot lately.
is it just me? or am i right?
when i smile at 9:25 PM
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Thursday, October 29, 2009
heh! on our first year anniversary i bought honey a burberry top and some tasty lobster can food for pong pong to celebrate on this special day as well. head over to town with honey the other day to have him look at the other burberry designs but i guess the one that i picked was the best. there is a limited variety anyway so it was easy for me to pick the best.honey bought us a new set of slippers each, a set of paul frank pajamas and a gucci bag for me! sweet. :) thanks baby.
somehow, pong pong feel proud being the brand ambassador of Gucci for that moment.and finally, the holiday season is over and im working my ass off as a full timer now. i have to work hard to accomplish my dreams isn't it. cant help but feel as if others are looking down on me as i chance upon some blog few weeks ago. its ok. :) i know, i will make it in the near future.
made a new passport last wed and im so looking forward for a year end vacation!(if there is any) :( in a few weeks time honey and i would be fetching princess home. pong pong's girlfriend cum sibling. a white ragdoll mix like him. pretty pretty. can't wait for her to join our family! :)
P.S. i miss wong kang qi!
when i smile at 10:58 PM
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
you+me+pong pong = happy family :)
beautiful sunset huh? :)so,the week has come! for my baby to go for his re-service and it would be just pong pong and me for these 4 days. sigh. when i reach home today, i just felt so empty as i lay on the bed. stared at the door knowing that he's not gonna be with me for the next three days totally brought me down. we've been together for close to a year but we've never spend more than a day apart. how bad is that? played some music to cover the silence, hug my kitty on bed and talk to him, hoping my cat will some how comfort me, which he didn't. :( took a deep breathe and on my psp. just then, someone knocked anxiously on the door. i opened, and it was BF! i am so so GLAD that he came home. almost burst into tears when i saw him. bad news is, tomorrow he'd have to stay in. awww... :( hate it!
at least theres still one thing for me to look forward to in this pathetic week. friday! just booked my mani and pedicure appointment on 1230, after that, drop by town to get some surprise for our 1st year anniversary. then head down to amelia's place for MAHJONG!! shiok! again, bad news is, honey might be out of re-service that night. so what's he gonna do if he's back at night? sigh. i want to bring him along, but.. i wonder if mia and friends are ok with it..
pong pong sleeping! :) *to the left to the left*
and.. some random pics i took few days ago. :)
yep, we went to some ktv last sunday. well, since last last sunday. it became every sunday. :)P.S. I'm Looking forward to the 20th as well baby. Loves. :)
when i smile at 1:05 AM
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